About Grandpa Tales

Grandpa Tales is a collection of adventures and reflections from a Grandpa’s perspective.

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About Grandpa Tales

Grandpa Tales is a collection of adventures and reflections from a Grandpa’s perspective.

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Please Don’t Teach Her That Grandpa

By on January 24, 2017 in Uncategorized with 2 Comments

OK, let me be completely transparent here – I can be a bad influence on my grandkids. But I doubt that I am the only grandpa in the world that can say this. So, this blog is dedicated to us disruptive grandpas.

I could say that I really don’t mean to, that it happens by accident, that I don’t realize what I’m doing – but that’s simply not true.

I’m having fun, but many times (Edie would say every time) their parents, and my wife, fail to see the humor. I hear the phrase “he’s weird” a lot. I think they’re planning to give me a T-shirt that has a large “W” printed on the front with pictorial examples of my “teaching moments” with my grandkids on the back.

Last week I wrote about the drool attack. Now, just to set the record straight, I didn’t teach her that.

But I did teach Brayden how to pretend sneeze and blow a napkin away from his face. When we are having dinner, his Dad and Mom are in a state of anxiety that Brayden will emulate his grandpa and pretend to sneeze and blow his napkin into his sister’s face.

During my son and daughter-in-law’s move, we sat down for lunch. We had pizza. One of my favorite foods.

I was sitting next to Paige. Now Paige’s parents, like the parents of my other grandkids, work hard to raise their children with proper table manners.

I looked at Paige and said, “Paige, watch this.”

Before I could do anything else, Edie said, “Anthony, don’t!”

You know you’re entering the danger zone when your wife uses your formal name.

I immediately regress 55 years and say, “Whaaat?”

“You know what. Whatever you’re going to do, don’t.”

My son closes his eyes. He knows what’s coming.

The inner child in me is so strong at this point that I throw caution out the window and say, “Paige, watch this.”

I puff up my cheeks (I look like a chipmunk with a mouth full of acorns), and take both hands and slap my cheeks expelling air and making – well a rather gross sound. I laugh.

Paige laughs. No one else does.

A few seconds pass (it must take a few seconds to overcome shock I’m thinking), and then it starts: four adults talking at the same time saying different words but the meaning is crystal clear. They are not pleased.

I immediately feel what it must be like to express an opinion that no one else shares or even thinks makes sense. I’m crushed under the verbal onslaught.

The moment of truth arrives. Do I do it again, or do I ….

I look at Paige, Paige looks at me, I look around the table, the pull to do it again is strong.

I retreat. But I realize I learned a valuable lesson: sometimes you have to teach this stuff when the parents (and my wife) are not around. (Let’s face it, this last sentence has just got me in a whole heap of trouble).

I smile and say, “Does anyone want another piece of pizza?”

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  1. Rich says:

    I can’t believe you gave in to the pressure! Us Grandpas have to stick together!

    • Tony Kubica says:

      I know. As you saw in my ending note though (one which I will get some serious feedback on), I am considering changing my tactics. We can share strategies the next time we’re together. We can think of these discussions as the evolution of Grandpa Power.

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