About Grandpa Tales

Grandpa Tales is a collection of adventures and reflections from a Grandpa’s perspective.

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About Grandpa Tales

Grandpa Tales is a collection of adventures and reflections from a Grandpa’s perspective.

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Bum Rap

By on February 10, 2016 in Uncategorized with No Comments

“I did what? No I didn’t”

15 minutes earlier

It was around 8:35PM, Edie and I were settling in for the evening, ten minutes into one of our favorite shows, when the phone rang. I put the show on hold, as we always do when the phone rings, and settled into watching the paused picture on the screen.

Edie answered, and after the obligatory, “Hello, how’s it going?”, all that followed were short phrases punctuated by silence: “Huh, really she said that?”, “What did Bob say?”, “Brayden wasn’t there was he?”, “Oh, he was?”, “He agreed?”

When she said, “Your father?”, I looked over at Edie who gave me a look that was a mix between disbelief and horror.

I had enough. I mouthed, “What?”

Edie put up her index finger, scrunched her face – you know the look that says, “Hold on, not now”, and continued talking.

I continued to stare at her until, I think, she had enough. She said to Neysa, “Hold on a minute.”

Edie said, “Neysa said Molly was at the dinner table and rolled up her napkin and stuck it up her noise.”

“She did what?”, I said.

“When Neysa asked her, ‘Where did you learn that’, she answered without hesitation, ‘Grandpa taught me’.”

“Molly said what? No I didn’t. I don’t roll up napkins and stick them up my nose! I mean I do unfold a napkin, bring it up to my face, pretend to sneeze, and blow it across the table. But I never stick it up my noise. That’s gross” I said this in the most convincing voice I could muster, as I tried to crawl from under the bus.

You know those times when someone is outing you and you scramble to protect your honor. Your protest doesn’t seem to sound as convincing as you want. You start talking faster, your voice rises an octave, and within a nanosecond, you begin to realize you are not making this better. You all but sealed your fate.

Edie said to Neysa, “Your Dad said he didn’t teach her that.” After a brief pause she said, “I know.”

“You know what?”

“OK, have a nice evening; I’ll see you in the morning.” She hung up.

“You know what? I didn’t teach her that!”

Edie just laughed and said, “You probably just forgot.”

“Forgot, I don’t forget things”.

“What show are we watching?”

“Now that’s unfair. I was distracted.”

I didn’t teach her that – did I?

I like to think it was just Molly’s sense of humor.

It was, wasn’t it? It must have been.

Oh my.

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